A tale of innocence betrayed
Dec 9th, 2005 by Accidental Thinker
Once upon a time, there was a girl. And the girl believed in Santa, and all was merry. Then one day, as the Christmas season was underway, a heated argument broke out among a group of peers in the girl’s after school care program. The cause of the argument remains unknown, but the caretaker of the class knew just what to say to stop the ruckus. She told the children, which included kindergarteners and first graders who still believed, that while Santa was once a very wonderful man who did wonderful things, he does not exist any more.
The girl pondered this news in silence for a few days, then asked the question her mother was not expecting for at least another year or two. “Is Santa alive?†And just like that, the girl’s mother was all at once saddened and livid and heartbroken. The mother expected that the girl would one day hear the truth from a classmate or begin to figure it out on her own, but never dreamed she would hear it from an ADULT who should know better. The mother wonders, what gives a grown-up the right to make the decision that it’s okay to spoil the illusion for someone else’s child? And in the pressure of the moment, the mother lied. “Of course Santa is alive. Where do you think your presents come from?â€
The angry mother, not being the confrontational type, joined forces with a friend to make their concerns known to the teacher. The meeting was brief and polite, and the teacher promised to make the situation right with the children. The daughter hasn’t mentioned it again, and the mother is afraid to ask, not wanting to make things worse by reminding the girl of her doubts. The mother is simply not ready to face the inevitable questions that will follow. The Easter Bunny? The Tooth Fairy? And what of those other things that are intangible but so very important and real? Because although the daughter may have the maturity to handle the distinction, her mother does not yet have the words to explain why God is real, even though Santa Claus is not. She needs time to prepare that argument.
The mother is likewise not at all ready for this innocent phase of childhood to be over. It still feels like it’s only just begun. So she’ll preserve the reputation of Santa for as long as she can, and hope that her daughter will forgive her for the little white lie.
The Little Boy: “Mom, is it true that Daddy is the Tooth Fairy?”
Mom (Not wanting to lie): “Well, yes, son, it’s true. But don’t tell him you found out, because he enjoys it so much.”
TLB: “Well, Mom…?”
Mom: “Yes?”
TLB: “How does he have the time to go to all those houses?”
That has to be a tough situation, torn between truth and a child’s fantasy. I wouldn’t have a clue how to handle it.
That has to be a tough situation, torn between truth and a child’s fantasy. I wouldn’t have a clue how to handle it.
That’s a tough one. I agree that another adult, especially a teacher, had no right to say that.
Twenty+ years ago, when my daughter started asking if Santa was real, I always said “Well, I believe in him.” And I still do. Because to me, Santa is that symbol of love, compassion and generousity of spirit.
And ya know what? My daughter still believes in him, too.
I SO distinctly remember the setting when my daughter turned to me and asked: “Is there really a Santa Claus?” We were in the car, crossing the lake on highway 66. And I turned to her and said, “no, sweetie”. And she said, “why would everyone LIE to me about that?”
Innocence lost. I know what you mean about wanting to hang on to this awhile longer. I feel the same way and always have. Kids grow up WAY too fast these days. I am so glad that my kids have been able to stay kids and grow and develop gradually. You as her parent will know when the time is right for various bridges to be crossed. I have found over the years that it hasn’t been very difficult to guide my kids into various degrees of knowledge about a variety of topics as they were ready.
I’m at the point now where my children will start leaving the house for college in a few years. I’ll be happy for them, but I’ll squeeze a little harder when I give them a hug. This post reminded me of a period ten years ago when they belived in Santa. That was so much fun; I miss those days sometimes.
Fantasy is fun. I still believe in Santa 😉
Santa Claus IS alive AND real. He is “the spirit of giving”. Small children just see him differently.
Now, as to why our society has seen fit to draw a line through CHILDHOOD – that is a question too painful to ponder.
That reminds me of when my siblings told me Santa doesn’t exist, just to be mean. I was crushed, but I soon realized that Santa is alive. He lives in our hearts, forever.
I can’t believe the teacher took it upon herself to tell. She shouldn’t have done that, but it sounds like you handled it pretty well. I’m curious to know how the teacher was going to “make it right.”
I heard my second son telling the next down that the Santa who visited her today wasn’t the real thing. Having not even realised he had doubts, I told them all ‘You’ve got to believe to receive’, he shut up quickly…
I’m dreading the day when they all know – only one for sure so far, but it’s a sad thing when the truth comes out (though less tough on the pocket ;o))