Dear Tropical Storm Fay,

I know it’s not your fault, but you are a symptom of all that is wrong with our storm obsessed local media, who like to hype non-events like yourself and then wonder why no one takes the warnings for the real storms seriously.

Because of you, my kids have needlessly lost two days of school. You may be an aspiring hurricane wannabe, but you simply are not menacing enough to warrant such influence over the education of my children. Garden variety summer breezes pack more punch than you; I have not seen so much as a single leaf blown off a tree since you made your overhyped appearance in our neck of the woods.

You are a sissy storm, and now you are stalled just off our coast, making a nuisance of yourself with gray and rainy weather. And while I am thankful that you have not done more damage, and grateful that, courtesy of you, we will not have to irrigate our lawn or add water to the pool this week, I don’t like you. You irritate me. It’s nothing personal.

Sincerely,

A concerned citizen